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Bargaining can be with our particular nicotine delivery device, with us, loved ones or even our higher power. Its aim is the impossible feat of letting go, without letting go. If allowed, the emotional conflict of wanting to say “hello,” while saying “goodbye,” can easily culminate in relapse. “Just one,” “just once” can easily evolve into “this is just too hard,” “too long,” “things are getting worse not better,” “this just isn’t the right time to stop!”
Although a large portion of this book is about bargaining, the book itself will provide an abundance of fuel for the bargaining mind. Every user and every recovery are different. Sharing “averages” and “norms” will naturally generate tons of ammunition for those whose dependency or recovery traits are just beyond “average.” Key to navigating conflicted feelings is in demanding honesty while keeping our primary recovery motivations vibrant and strong.
They are the wind beneath our wings. Allowing freedom’s desire to die invites destructive and intellectually dishonest deals to be made. Instead of buying into relapse, remember, as long as 100% of the planet’s nicotine remains on the outside it’s impossible to fail. But what happens to a grieving mind once it realizes that it can’t arrest its dependency while enabling it too?

Exactly how and why the brain diminishes the number of active a4b2-type acetylcholine receptors (down-regulation) after nicotine use ends is still poorly understood. What we do know is that once nicotine use ends we temporarily have far too many active receptors. There are so many unfed receptors that normal species survival activities (eating, drinking water, accomplishment, nurturing, peer acceptance and sex) are temporarily unable to provide adequate brain dopamine pathway stimulation.
Early recovery puts us face-to-face with hard physiological evidence of nicotine’s influence and standing among the brain’s pre-programmed priorities. Again, in terms of healing, the emptiness and emotional collision we may temporarily sense is good not bad. Our brain is working its “butt off” to diminish the number of active receptors and restore sensitivities.
Almost as quickly as we notice our sense of smell and taste being enhanced, our brain is working to restore natural sensitivities by down-regulating receptor counts. SPECT stands for Single Photon Emission Computed Tomography. It is a scan during which a radioactive substance is put into the bloodstream and can be followed as it works its way through the body and into the brain. A camera capable of detecting gamma radiation is then rotated around the body or head taking pictures from many angles. A computer is then used to put the images together to create a picture of activity within a specific slice of the body or brain.
A 2007 study used SPECT scans to follow dynamic changes in acetylcholine receptor down-regulation binding during smoking cessation. It compared those finding to receptor activity inside the brains of non-smokers.277 It found that within four hours of ending nicotine use that acetylcholine receptor binding potential had already declined by 33.5%.
The good news is that binding potential rebounded by 25.7% within ten days of ending nicotine use and then “decreased to the level of non-smokers by around 21 days of smoking cessation.” We don’t need to put radiation into our bloodstream or do a SPECT scan of our brain to know that the de-sensitized period experienced during recovery is temporary, normal and expected. It’s enough to know that we are sensing and feeling what is happening inside our brain as it adjusts to functioning without nicotine. Don’t fear it, savor it.